Football - J W Emery Ltd

Pure Pards arrogance

joe — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 10:46:13 +0000

Ifs and butts: Alan Pardew lands one on Hull City's David Meyler

Alan Scott Pardew. A legend in his own mind. A list of controversies so long they demand their own section on his Wiki page.

'Pards' has always played by his own majestic and bizarre rules. He has a level of self-confidence more than bordering on arrogance, making Jose Mourinho appear humble, shy and retiring.

Now jobless after a string of sackings, will everyone's favourite silver fox ever grace the Premier League again? Let's consider if his innovative managerial techniques are enough for him to bounce back to the Premier League with a vengeance.

His clobber

It's May 2006. FA Cup Final time — but not in familiar territory. The bulldozers have established themselves on Wembley Stadium's hallowed turf, and for the sixth year running, the eyes of the world are on Cardiff's Millennium Stadium.

It's Liverpool FC vs. newly promoted underdogs, West Ham United FC, managed by the man himself: Alan Pardew. His first top-flight gig since leaving Reading under a cloud of controversy involving legal injunctions and gardening leave.

What is Pards wearing to the most prestigious event in British football, if not the world? A Reebok sweater with matching tracky pants.

Reebok: kings of making a club's crest appear like a Panini sticker stuck on a football shirt.

It's not even Nike or New Balance garms sexy European managers such as Pep Guardiola and Jürgen Klopp don while prowling their technical areas like panthers.

Pure Pards arrogance. Yet that's something we've grown to become familiar with by the former tight-short-wearing midfield workhorse.

Jose Mourinho, Pep Guardiola, and Jürgen Klopp are all fine with their initials on their training and press conference tops. Would Pards settle for AP on his tracksuit? Not on your nelly. Of course, Pards had 'PARDS' proudly emblazoned on his Crystal Palace training top.

His dancing

Could anyone be more embarrassing than wearing tracky bottoms while representing their team at an FA Cup Final? "Hold my pint", said Pards 10 years later, as he did a celebratory dance in front of the cameras when Crystal Palace went one up against Man United. Yes, that's right — one up, not won up. Palace lost the game, and Pardew's dance seemed even more ridiculous than when he first jigged it.

His choice of words

While as a pundit for Match of the Day, Pards stated Chelsea Michael Essien "absolutely rapes" Manchester City player Ched Evans during a midfield tussle for the ball. The BBC later claimed he used the word 'rakes'. It was definitely "rapes", and he wasn't invited back.

His relationship with other managers

"Shut ya noise, yer f*cking old c**t", screamed Pards at Man City's then Chilean manager, Manuel Pellegrini. Manuel may have deep-set wrinkles and mangy hair, but let's look at the age difference between the two: 8 years.

Pards has never been a shrinking violet on the touchline, and this was one in a long line of physical and verbal spats. He comes across as childlike and unable to control his emotions despite being in the game for 38 years.

And players…

Having a good first season and then going off the rails for the second is textbook Pards. Rumours of being unable to keep it in his pants regarding players' wives are unfounded. But nutting an opposing player over, well, not much at all? Probably Pards' defining moment.

With the Premier League relegation fodder currently losing ground, will Alan be sent an SOS, or will they be haunted by the ghost of Christmas Pards?

Dear West Ham, I'm breaking up with you. It's not me, it's you.

joe — Wed, 05 Sep 2018 00:00:37 +0000

Lights out: Bobby Moore plunges the Boleyn Ground into darkness, but there would be darker days ahead for West Ham United

The West Ham faithful. And faithful they are. Even if it's a cold, wet and windy Monday night in Stoke during January — the anti-Christ of months — when the team's nailed on to lose — they turn up in their droves. And that's when the match is on Sky Sports, too. Let's be honest: West Ham fans deserve credit for turning up at all.

If West Ham United wanted to progress as a club, it made sense to leave the Boleyn Ground. The Boleyn was hardly the theatre of dreams some fans made it out to be. It was largely a place of sour results for the best part of 114 years. But it was home.

I would've gladly swapped Upton Park for a trophy or Champions League qualification. So, I was a big advocate for moving stadiums, but only if it was done properly. Unfortunately, it wasn't. Football has been shoehorned into an athletics stadium on the cheap.

There are a few basic principles when designing a football stadium: tiers should overlap, fans should be as close to the pitch as possible, and the stands should be as steep as possible. None of these apply to London Stadium. A recent trip to Arsenal's Emirates Stadium reminded me of how a football stadium should look and reinforced how far removed London Stadium is from one.

Seeing people wandering around on the walkway between the two tiers during a game is jarring. The bottom and top tiers don't overlap, and there is a colossal gap between them. The top tier seems to stretch back for eternity.

The gap between the two tiers ruins the viewing pleasure of anyone in the upper tier. To hell with watching a football game from the upper tier of London Stadium. The players look like miniature toys. Even the gaps between the rows of seats are too much.

Teams love visiting West Ham now. That's not something you could say about Upton Park. The openness of London Stadium makes them raise their game a little. Coming to this stadium is no challenge for opposing teams, but it's a massive challenge for the home team.

The board made a huge error in not creating a 'singing section'. Those who wanted to make noise could have all sat together and created an atmosphere.

Whenever the team was losing at the Boleyn Ground, there still used to be a great atmosphere. The fans would make the most of a bad situation by singing self-deprecating songs and laughing. You could hear a pin drop when the team's losing at London Stadium.

The best a club like West Ham United can hope for is Premier League stability. The club had that in Sam Allardyce and David Moyes — both were got rid. Now Manuel Pellegrini is in charge, only time will tell if he is a manager of great players or a great manager of players. It's all very well winning the league with Man City's endless pot of gold.

The idea of moving homes — the one the board sold to the fans — was to progress to the next level. The club has gone backwards since it swapped a working man's stadium for a soulless bowl. The Boleyn Ground may have been small, dated, behind the times and falling apart in places. Yet it was a stadium built for its purpose: to hold football games and supporters.

West Ham fans will hate this: the brutal truth is when London rivals Tottenham move into a state-of-the-art, fit-for-purpose football ground, it will be one of the best in the world. Spurs' new home will expose the faults of West Ham's home even further.

Many fans were happy just being us and not winning any silverware at the Boleyn, rather than just being us and not winning any silverware at the Olympic Stadium — minus our identity.

No wonder why so many of them are breaking up with their club. No matter how many licks of claret and blue paint the place gets, it will never be a football stadium, and I fear it will never quite feel like home.

Dino David or sexy European?

joe — Wed, 09 May 2018 14:48:07 +0000

Do ya think I'm sexy? David Moyes has done precisely what West Ham asked him to do by keeping the club in the Premier League. But has he done enough?

As another dismal season for West Ham United at the London Stadium draws to a close, there's one question on every West Ham fan's lips:

What will Messrs Gold & Sullivan and Karren Brady do to prevent a third in a row?

David Moyes has done precisely what the West Ham board asked him to do: keep the club in the Premier League. Survival was something that looked near impossible under his predecessor, Slaven Bilic.

For all of the Croatian's likeability and honesty, as both a television pundit and manager, he was painfully out of his depth and in freefall.

Sam Allardyce's leftover and well-drilled defence, Dimitri Payet and the Farwell Boleyn euphoria carried Bilic in his first season. He was exposed in his second and third.

Moyes inherited a mess. The squad was unfit, unorganised, low in confidence and on the receiving end of a battering — week in — week out. The Scotsman was aided by so many assistants that one often wonders if there's enough room for them in the dugout. He quickly turned the club's fortunes (which are often hiding) around.

Energy levels, fitness, confidence and organisation through the team all vastly improved. The club pulled away from the relegation zone.

Moyes achieved this with the same squad as Bilic, bar the 36-year-old Patrice Evra and Championship-plucked Jordan Hugill. Hugill has played only 22 minutes of football in claret and blue.

The West Ham fan base met the temporary appointment of David Moyes with much pessimism. The man who had been hand-picked by Sir Alex Ferguson only four years ago to follow his legacy at Manchester United was now deemed a failure.

Since failing to win anything in 11 years at Everton, he relegated Sunderland. Manchester United and Real Sociedad both sacked him.

There are sexier choices than David Moyes, but is a club of West Ham's level going to attract a better manager than him? That's questionable. Would a manager capable of managing a top club come to West Ham? That's questionable, too.

During his time at Everton, Moyes was a robust plodder. He secured ten finishes in the top eleven, and his teams were tough to beat.

Everton FC was no longer the relegation fodder it had been for years, but a club consolidated in the top half of the table.

Top 11 and tough to beat sounds good for a club like West Ham. Given time, that's well within his capabilities.

I estimate the club is around £200m worth of transfer fees away from even looking capable of breaking into the cemented top six.

Moyes indeed has workmanlike prose as a manager; he gets the job done in a relatively unimaginative and uninspiring manner.

He can grind out results. Yet this style of football will no doubt grind West Ham faithful's gears — just as Alan Curbishley's and Sam Allardyce's types of play did before him.

Continental coaches like Jürgen Klopp and Pep Guardiola are now gracing the Premier League. They're achieving outstanding feats along with attractive and entertaining football. It's easy to comprehend why football fans now view David Moyes as an uninspiring choice — a dinosaur and relic of football.

The same is said about Sam Allardyce. He worked wonders at West Ham, taking the club from ruins in the Championship to the top half of the Premier League. He also took Bolton within touching distance of Champions League football.

Every club Allardyce has ever left has gone backwards, including West Ham United. Big Sam's style of football is rarely pretty, but it's undoubtedly effective.

Pep Guardiola now prowls the technical areas of Premier League grounds with such majestic poise. His perfectly sculpted physique and clothes make him look like he's paraded a Milan catwalk.

Jürgen Klopp's fluid football, designer glasses, and pristine clothes starkly contrast Tony Pulis wearing the club shop. Or Sam Allardyce's diagonal long balls, ill-fitting suits and too-short ties. Plus, their caveman brand of football.

Farewell Boleyn, hello disaster

joe — Tue, 13 Mar 2018 00:20:35 +0000

Last man sitting: Cutting a dejected figure, Sir Trevor Brooking sits alone in the directors' box as others leave, fearing for their safety

I can just about muster the energy to talk about what's happening in my beloved football club. I've been a season ticket holder for over 25 years and have followed West Ham United through (seldom) thick and (mainly) thin. Occasional ups, but mostly downs.

West Ham supporters don't ask for much. We know we are a reasonably small club, no matter how much East End tradition is associated with us. We know we won't be near the top of the league or challenging for silverware. All we ask is the players give their all while wearing the shirt, we have a bit of a chuckle in the stands, and players get us out of our seats.

The final game at the Boleyn Ground, more commonly known (and incorrectly) as Upton Park, was a magical night I'll never forget. And who better than against one of the biggest clubs in the world and an old rival, Manchester United? We're hundreds of miles apart geographically and billions of miles apart in status. But there was always something special about Manchester United visiting the Boleyn.

It just had to be: Winston Reid rose above the Manchester United defence to head home the winner in the dying minutes. The place erupted. In a nice twist of fate, a central defender scored the last-ever goal at the Boleyn Ground in front of the Bobby Moore Stand. A beautiful closing ceremony followed, and Bobby Moore flicked off the light switch for the last time. The ground was plunged into darkness.

It was done. The Boleyn Ground had seen her last game, and we gave the old girl a fitting send-off. The bulldozers would soon be moving in, and we were off to new pastures: London Stadium in Stratford. There were grown men in tears that evening. But leaving our beloved Boleyn was reluctantly accepted at the mouth-watering thought of taking the club to the next level.

"When I said you could trust us, you could trust us, and you knew you could trust us", said Karren Brady in a promotional video.

Fast forward two years later: 'Trust' is the last word West Ham supporters associate with Karren Brady, David Gold and David Sullivan.

"We will provide, on the pitch, the best team possible for our manager to go out there and win things", she added. Two years later, the club has found itself in two relegation scraps. The signings have consisted of unknown players on loan who aren't good enough — to over-the-hill players in their mid-30s — and nobodies plucked from the Championship. Jordan Hugill. Jordan Whogill? I hear you say.

David Sullivan even went on Sky Sports during the weeks leading up to Upton Park's final game. He said the club had submitted two £30-35 million bids for two forwards. Call me cynical, but it was a great ploy to ensure people renewed their season tickets — the thought of a £35 million forward in claret and blue. West Ham fans are still waiting for that £35million forward, nearly two years later.

Like the fans had no choice in leaving The Boleyn, the club's crest changed during the transition from Green Street to Stratford. The word 'London' was placed on the badge. 'London' is quite broad. It could mean Chelsea, Arsenal or Spurs.

I speak for most West Ham fans who wanted 'East London' to preside on the badge in a desperate attempt for the club to keep some of its identity. In another move to make West Ham United FC more of a corporate and worldwide recognisable brand, 'London' was used. We all know 'London' will sell more shirts in the Far East than 'East London'.

"That's our ambition — a world-class stadium with a world-class team and a powerful mix of the best football has to offer in the UK", Karren Brady said. The West Ham faithful got a world-class stadium alright — for athletics. Parts of the ground resemble scaffolding on a building site. The top and lower tiers don't connect. The fans are too far from the pitch.

The walkway between the two levels ruins the whole flow of the stadium. It's very off-putting as a spectator when you can see people wandering around with their pies and drinks on a walkway between the tiers during a game. The sad reality is that the team and stadium are far from "world-class" and certainly not among the best football offers in the UK.

Supporters' tensions boiled over at West Ham's 3-0 home defeat against Burnley at the weekend. Four men ran onto the pitch — skipper Mark Noble wrestled one to the ground.

One seized a corner flag and held it aloft in the centre circle before attempting to plant it in the centre spot. Many gathered around the directors' box in protest (curse that damn walkway between the two tiers again). The chants directed at the owners weren't pretty.

While some of the aggressive behaviour at London Stadium was unacceptable, one man's corner flag protest was symbolic. It was a more peaceful (if illegal) demonstration that stood for something more significant. It was a throwback to 1992 when a supporter did the same at the Boleyn Ground to demonstrate against the club's proposed bond scheme. The bond scheme was eventually vetoed after much pressure from the fans.

The board must now consider why some West Ham fans felt such drastic action was needed to get their voices heard.

Toxic and rotten through the core, Lady Brady and Messrs Gold and Sullivan sold the West Ham faithful a dream but have delivered a nightmare so far.