Do ya think I'm sexy? David Moyes has done precisely what West Ham asked him to do by keeping the club in the Premier League. But has he done enough?
As another dismal season for West Ham United at the London Stadium draws to a close, there's one question on every West Ham fan's lips:
What will Messrs Gold & Sullivan and Karren Brady do to prevent a third in a row?
David Moyes has done precisely what the West Ham board asked him to do: keep the club in the Premier League. Survival was something that looked near impossible under his predecessor, Slaven Bilic.
For all of the Croatian's likeability and honesty, as both a television pundit and manager, he was painfully out of his depth and in freefall.
Sam Allardyce's leftover and well-drilled defence, Dimitri Payet and the Farwell Boleyn euphoria carried Bilic in his first season. He was exposed in his second and third.
Moyes inherited a mess. The squad was unfit, unorganised, low in confidence and on the receiving end of a battering — week in — week out. The Scotsman was aided by so many assistants that one often wonders if there's enough room for them in the dugout. He quickly turned the club's fortunes (which are often hiding) around.
Energy levels, fitness, confidence and organisation through the team all vastly improved. The club pulled away from the relegation zone.
Moyes achieved this with the same squad as Bilic, bar the 36-year-old Patrice Evra and Championship-plucked Jordan Hugill. Hugill has played only 22 minutes of football in claret and blue.
The West Ham fan base met the temporary appointment of David Moyes with much pessimism. The man who had been hand-picked by Sir Alex Ferguson only four years ago to follow his legacy at Manchester United was now deemed a failure.
Since failing to win anything in 11 years at Everton, he relegated Sunderland. Manchester United and Real Sociedad both sacked him.
There are sexier choices than David Moyes, but is a club of West Ham's level going to attract a better manager than him? That's questionable. Would a manager capable of managing a top club come to West Ham? That's questionable, too.
During his time at Everton, Moyes was a robust plodder. He secured ten finishes in the top eleven, and his teams were tough to beat.
Everton FC was no longer the relegation fodder it had been for years, but a club consolidated in the top half of the table.
Top 11 and tough to beat sounds good for a club like West Ham. Given time, that's well within his capabilities.
I estimate the club is around £200m worth of transfer fees away from even looking capable of breaking into the cemented top six.
Moyes indeed has workmanlike prose as a manager; he gets the job done in a relatively unimaginative and uninspiring manner.
He can grind out results. Yet this style of football will no doubt grind West Ham faithful's gears — just as Alan Curbishley's and Sam Allardyce's types of play did before him.
Continental coaches like Jürgen Klopp and Pep Guardiola are now gracing the Premier League. They're achieving outstanding feats along with attractive and entertaining football. It's easy to comprehend why football fans now view David Moyes as an uninspiring choice — a dinosaur and relic of football.
The same is said about Sam Allardyce. He worked wonders at West Ham, taking the club from ruins in the Championship to the top half of the Premier League. He also took Bolton within touching distance of Champions League football.
Every club Allardyce has ever left has gone backwards, including West Ham United. Big Sam's style of football is rarely pretty, but it's undoubtedly effective.
Pep Guardiola now prowls the technical areas of Premier League grounds with such majestic poise. His perfectly sculpted physique and clothes make him look like he's paraded a Milan catwalk.
Jürgen Klopp's fluid football, designer glasses, and pristine clothes starkly contrast Tony Pulis wearing the club shop. Or Sam Allardyce's diagonal long balls, ill-fitting suits and too-short ties. Plus, their caveman brand of football.
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